International Women’s Day versus every day

Here’s a slightly unusual admission for International Women’s Day: I don’t have to deal with sexism so much anymore.

I mean, obviously I still have to live in a country where the rape conviction rate is under 6% and the pay gap is more than 21%. And where we’re underrepresented in Parliament. I’d still have my life turned upside down by pregnancy in ways that the man involved wouldn’t. Oh, and I was recently dismayed to discover that despite revelling in my Tory-bashing image, I’m actually physically unable to stand up to male violence. That was fun.

I suppose what I mean is that I don’t have to deal with anti-feminism so much any more. I live in Manchester (feminism’s true home); I work for the CAB, which prides itself on being a few steps ahead of the Equality Bill in theory if not always in practice; and basically everyone I know is a member of the Labour Party or further left (with the usual exception of Cllr Lindley). As a consequence, more or less everyone I socialise with is either proud to call themselves a feminist, or at least broadly aware of the gender inequalities in our society and supportive of moves to end them. (Into this latter category I would insert even Iain Lindley.)

But the internet brings people to your door who don’t always agree with you, and that’s as it should be, despite my #graceblocksTories policy on Twitter. Thus, today, I have not been the only woman I know to have uttered the phrase ‘if one more person asks me when International Men’s Day is, I will scream’.

The glib answer is ‘every day is men’s day’. And when it comes to the recognition of male artists, writers, politicians, sports stars, entrepreneurs, etc., etc., to an extent that’s true. But if I were feeling a bit more angry – and let’s face it, I always am – I might say some other things about ‘every day’.

I might point out, for example, that every day could be a day on which a woman is murdered by her current or former partner, because this happens to two women a week in the UK alone.

Or that, every day, because of the lack of political will by male-led governments, the equivalent of three jumbo jets full of women die as a direct result of pregnancy and/or childbirth across the world.

Every day is when women are forced into having children they do not want or abortions they do not want.

Every day is when teenage boys start to discover that they can use physical strength to hurt, humiliate and control the young women they claim to care about.

Every day is when women put up with sexual harassment at work because they know or believe nothing will be done if they report it.

Every day is when little girls say they want to grow up to be glamour models and little kids of both sexes say it’s acceptable to hit a woman if she doesn’t get your tea.

Every day is when adults join Facebook groups declaring that it’s acceptable to hit a woman if she doesn’t get your tea.

Every day is when a woman somewhere is being hit for not getting the tea.

Every day is when mothers who go out to work still do the majority of childcare and housework. Every day is when the media tells them that this is the fault of feminism.

Every day is when women whose wages paid the mortgage for forty years have to ask their husband for permission to buy a coffee.

Every day is when trans women suffer violence, exclusion and degradation because of who they are.

Every day is when lesbian and bisexual women suffer harassment and discrimination because of who they love.

Every day is when single mothers are treated like the scum of the earth.

Every day is when women feel guilty because they were too drunk to have said no, instead of angry because they were too drunk to have said yes.

Every day is when a woman reporting rape is assumed to have lied; and is laughed at by the police; and is ignored.

Every day is when men get away with rape.

Every day is when women in Haiti face a greater risk of sexual violence in the aftermath of the disaster.

Every day is when women in Bangladesh have to bring up their families in flooded villages, because in the UK we’ve found cutting our carbon emissions just that little bit too hard.

Every day is when any woman, no matter what she does, is defined first and foremost by how she looks. Every day is when she will be accused of ‘playing the sexism card’ for pointing this out.

Every day is when we’re told that feminism is dead, and unnecessary, and embarrassing, because women have equality now.

Every day is when we’re told that women have complete freedom of choice over everything we do, and that the reason so many women make identical choices is down to biology.

Every day is when we’re told that rape is funny, and lesbians are funny, and inequality is funny, and violence against women is funny, and that feminists have no sense of humour.

Every day is when people get more angry about what is done to try to end inequality than they ever got about inequality.

Every day is when the measures that my Party uses to get more women into power are decried as being a tool of corruption. Some days, they are.

Every day is when the women who stand up against all of this are mocked and shouted down and told to shut up.

In short, I think every day is a bit shit. I don’t want to call every day Men’s Day. I don’t think men are shit.

All of these things happen today as well, of course. But I like to think today is a little bit different. Today is the day when we take to our streets and parks and campuses; our desks and counters and bars; our workplaces; our soapboxes and dispatch boxes and ballot boxes; to our blogs and Facebook pages and to Twitter; and we say: every day should be less shit.

We say: we want more than this. We’re not going to vote for this. We’re not going to buy this. And we’re not going to stand for this. We say: we’re not safe and free until every woman across the world is safe and free. We say: the level of violence against women, in this country and elsewhere, is not acceptable. We say our bodies are our own. We say rape is not a misunderstanding and it is not a joke. We say we will not let women across the world suffer for our own consumerism.

We say: no-one defines a family except each family; no-one defines love except the loving; no-one defines a woman except that woman.

And yeah, a lot of us say this every day. But maybe this is one day where we can make you listen. And we’re going to keep saying it until you listen, and we’re going to keep saying it, and keep saying it, until this shit doesn’t happen every day.

12 thoughts on “International Women’s Day versus every day

  1. Hello Grace, I have been reading your articles, and have found them to be hard hitting and to the point about troubling issues that are connected in today’s society. I really appreciate your new outlook on the world and its issues. Your article on financial discrimination against young people, was the initial point that struck me. I would really like to discuss further with you, you can reach me at, thanks.

    1. (…just so everyone else knows, he only gets away with that comment for being my dad…)

  2. I cried when I read this because all of it is true – and it shouldn’t be; not any longer.
    I cried when I read this because I recognised myself in more than one of the examples.
    I cried when I read this because we’re still having to fight.
    But mostly I cried with pride.
    Thank you.

  3. Pingback: Music Monday «
  4. Hello Grace. It has been said that there are three sides to this kind of argument, hers, his and the truth. I enjoyed reading it, and every point was well put and held an element of truth. Many points also hurt me, not by way of personal attack, but because I, and many other men, feel ashamed and angry that we are viewed by many women with suspicion.

    I cannot cover them all, but may I make some of my own observations.

    I was shocked by the BBC News article concerning the fact that children thought it was acceptable to be violent to a woman. I and all my childhood/teenage friends knew that you never hit a woman. It broke my heart when my daughter spent three years in a relationship with a violent man.

    Having said that, I myself spent eighteen months in a relationship with a violent woman. I left in the clothes I was wearing and had to rebuild my life.

    Excuse the point I am about to make. Was it men who introduced the idea that all men are paedophiles unless thay can prove otherwise?

    Grace. Let me end on a more positive note. I remember a time when if you saw a band or orchestra on a television show where live backing was required, they were all men. When I was a music student in the early 1970’s this confused me, as there were many equally efficient young ladies. When I was teaching, in the 1980’s and 1990’s, I used to point out how nice it was to see that women were now being employed as well as men.

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